Princess Phase

Over the past few months, our home has been invaded with lots of sparkly, pink, princess stuff, which I must admit I routinely refer to as princess crap. Having a somewhat bossy (yet awesome!) older brother, I was never fully able to embrace my inner princess or more feminine self as a child. I definitely wouldn't say I'm a tomboy, but I've always been more in the middle. I've never worn much makeup and could certainly spend more time on my appearance. I love the outdoors and sports, yet I love ballet, crafting and admire fashion. I consider myself to be pretty good at math (statistical modeling is a personal hobby of mine as a doctoral student), and never met a challenge that I thought was too much for me either physically or intellectually just because I am a woman. In fact, I never thought much about gender stereotypes other than to think that they had little applicability to my life. But then I had a daughter. Two year olds, as you may know, are dichotomous little creatures in many ways who enjoy seeing the world in black and white. They are also just realizing certain complex realities and processing them in this dichotomous manner. For example, I want something, I will take it. I love Daddy, I will marry him. I am a girl, I must love all things feminine. Boys like "boy things." Sometimes, in their 2 year old zeal, kids will overidenitify with their gender in spite of their parents' best efforts to avoid stereotypes and provide an array of options for play and exploration. This explains the nearly fanatic zeal for princess stuff (aka crap), cars and monster trucks. Being a psychodynamically trained therapist, I understand that kids go through phases and need to explore certain issues before they move on. Therefore, while I don't go out of my way to promote princess play with Ms. E, I also don't actively discourage this. I don't think she is any more likely to grow up to be a princess or shallow Paris Hilton-type than her male counterparts are likely to be mechanics. Obviously, I have to continue to work to provide her with a balanced experience in her life that is not shallow or perhaps this is what she will become. It is an interesting issue to ponder. I've given it a lot of thought due to various articles and books I've read about raising girls, similar issues confronted in my clinical practice and my own interest about how culture affects children in subtle ways. I'm certainly not ignoring the potential for negative influence, in fact G and I have daily discussions with Emmy about what is important (i.e. loving to learn, having a good heart, being kind, being helpful, making your own choices, etc.) because her obsessive princess play actually presents us with numerous opportunities for these discussions. Mostly, I'm just blown away by her imagination and capacity for fantasy play. It's pretty impressive! Well, those are my thoughts for now on this issue, but I reserve the right to change my mind (it's a mother's perogative!). I've received (and worse, Emmy has received- shame! shame!) criticism for her obsession with princess play, which I must admit bothered me somewhat. When I discussed this with my mom, she expressed similar distress about my brother's decision to be the Sheriff for a year or so and bring his 6 shooters everywhere he went. I guess it could be worse, she could be obsessed with guns! However, she reassured me that this too shall pass. I should probably be saving my energy for worrying about the next phase around the corner, and for now enjoy my lovely daughter who is always dressed and ready lest a royal ball to come up at the last minute!