Hold Them, Take Care of Yourself

Just took a moment to read a few words from one of my favorite blogs. This other mama blogger was sharing her advice for her baby sister who just became a mother to twin girls. She said the most important advice was this- hold them, and take care of yourself. I think that is brilliant advice, advice I will share and remember myself. Let the house be dirty, let the dinner be overcooked, let my sleep be interrupted and my bed shared by many, let me always be running a few minutes late- I will hold them every chance I get. And somewhere in between it all, I'll even take care of myself some too. I've been running in the evenings after I put Lil to bed with some other mama-friends and really enjoying this time for just for me. I'm trying not to feel guilty about it either, and it is doing me some good and even giving Emmy & Daddy some special time. Hopefully, my family will benefit from this indirectly as well. Some familial, trickle-down economics perhaps.

What Did You Said?

As I have said before, Ms. Emmy is a talker, which surprises me a little since the first year of her life she was nearly entirely silent. As a baby, she really never babbled. This worried me very much, and made me wonder if she would ever talk. Em had constant ear infections from age 6mos to 18mos, and this likely affected her ability to hear and form sounds. Two sets of tubes and an one adenoid removal later, the child finally got some relief. A few months after that, Em began talking non-stop and she really hasn't stopped since. She speaks very well for her age (of course I am extremely biased), but there are some things she consistently says "wrong" that are actually adorable. I just wanted to record some of these things here because they are already starting to fade and are being replaced by proper words, phrasing and pronunciations. G noticed one such change this week and he and I both were sad to see this little saying go. So here are a few Emmy-isms for the record:

• "What did you said?"- in place of "What did you say?"


• "What smells like that?"- in place of "What is that smell?"; E actually said this one correctly this week, which made G and I a little misty with nostalgia


• "Lellow"- instead of yellow


• "Mudder"- instead of Mother


• "Olib"- instead of olive

Princess Phase

Over the past few months, our home has been invaded with lots of sparkly, pink, princess stuff, which I must admit I routinely refer to as princess crap. Having a somewhat bossy (yet awesome!) older brother, I was never fully able to embrace my inner princess or more feminine self as a child. I definitely wouldn't say I'm a tomboy, but I've always been more in the middle. I've never worn much makeup and could certainly spend more time on my appearance. I love the outdoors and sports, yet I love ballet, crafting and admire fashion. I consider myself to be pretty good at math (statistical modeling is a personal hobby of mine as a doctoral student), and never met a challenge that I thought was too much for me either physically or intellectually just because I am a woman. In fact, I never thought much about gender stereotypes other than to think that they had little applicability to my life. But then I had a daughter. Two year olds, as you may know, are dichotomous little creatures in many ways who enjoy seeing the world in black and white. They are also just realizing certain complex realities and processing them in this dichotomous manner. For example, I want something, I will take it. I love Daddy, I will marry him. I am a girl, I must love all things feminine. Boys like "boy things." Sometimes, in their 2 year old zeal, kids will overidenitify with their gender in spite of their parents' best efforts to avoid stereotypes and provide an array of options for play and exploration. This explains the nearly fanatic zeal for princess stuff (aka crap), cars and monster trucks. Being a psychodynamically trained therapist, I understand that kids go through phases and need to explore certain issues before they move on. Therefore, while I don't go out of my way to promote princess play with Ms. E, I also don't actively discourage this. I don't think she is any more likely to grow up to be a princess or shallow Paris Hilton-type than her male counterparts are likely to be mechanics. Obviously, I have to continue to work to provide her with a balanced experience in her life that is not shallow or perhaps this is what she will become. It is an interesting issue to ponder. I've given it a lot of thought due to various articles and books I've read about raising girls, similar issues confronted in my clinical practice and my own interest about how culture affects children in subtle ways. I'm certainly not ignoring the potential for negative influence, in fact G and I have daily discussions with Emmy about what is important (i.e. loving to learn, having a good heart, being kind, being helpful, making your own choices, etc.) because her obsessive princess play actually presents us with numerous opportunities for these discussions. Mostly, I'm just blown away by her imagination and capacity for fantasy play. It's pretty impressive! Well, those are my thoughts for now on this issue, but I reserve the right to change my mind (it's a mother's perogative!). I've received (and worse, Emmy has received- shame! shame!) criticism for her obsession with princess play, which I must admit bothered me somewhat. When I discussed this with my mom, she expressed similar distress about my brother's decision to be the Sheriff for a year or so and bring his 6 shooters everywhere he went. I guess it could be worse, she could be obsessed with guns! However, she reassured me that this too shall pass. I should probably be saving my energy for worrying about the next phase around the corner, and for now enjoy my lovely daughter who is always dressed and ready lest a royal ball to come up at the last minute!

Lil's Working Model

If you were reading this in the past, then you may remember that I wrote about an interview that I do with all of my clients called The Working Model of the Child Interview. This is a chance for them to talk about the child and their shared relationship. I wrote up my thoughts about Emmy, and now I want to document my "working model" of my relationship with Lil, age 4 mos. Forgive me, this is quite self-indulgent but I wanted to document this for my family:) It's the kind of stuff that I'll read to 13 year old, Lily and it will make her want to throw up and pretend she doesn't know me around her friends!

Personality:
--sweet: Lil smiles and coos constantly, when you pick her up she latches on like a little koala bear
--laid back: It amazes me to say this, but it is so striking given that Lil resides in a house filled with 3 Type A personalities! She is very calm, pleasant, rarely cries (unless her Zantac has worn off), is patient.
--happy: She seems happy and content no matter the situation. Home, daycare, etc.
--curious: Lil is a watcher. She is taking it all in. She loves people and noise and she studies your mouth when you are talking like she is trying to figure out how to say those same words.
--loud: This is no surprise. Lil babbles constantly and is so loud sometimes I think she is going to wake up her sister down the hall! She's a talker, as all the Whitt-Woosleys are.

Relationship:
--surprising: I am so pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to fall in love with baby #2. Everyone who knows me knows that Emmy has been my world for the past few years, but somehow there is equal room in my heart for my Lily.
--sweet: Our time together is just sweet, sweet, sweet. Lots of mirroring and babbling together, and little books and patty cake.
--shared: My newly forming relationship with this child is different in that we have less 1-1 time together, which I thought would be hard. However, we have these great special moments with Emmy and I reading books to her and Emmy and I playing patty cake with her, and I realize that what Lil loses in 1-1 time with Mommy, she gains so much more from having this whole extra person to adore her.
--cherished: I adore this kid and realize how special our relationship is, and it sure seems like the feeling is mutual. Since I am the keeper of the milk, Mama is still #1! (I'm just enjoying it while I can, I'm sure she will go through her Daddy's girl phase soon enough.)
--easy: We just have an easy relationship. Infants are blessedly less complex than their bigger counterparts and I'm kind of relishing in that right now. I think it is an easy relationship for her, too at this stage. Right now it's just all about the love, meeting her basic needs and providing a stimulating environment.

Baby New Year

Happy 2012! Here is our little baby new year, wasn't she cute? So far, our year is off to a great albeit busy start. G is working long hours for the man in Frankfort, but seems to be enjoying himself and still making room for quality time for his girls. Em is back at school working hard on things like learning to spell the word "mop" (not sure why they start with that word but I'm all for promoting the joy of chores), washing baby dolls and she is still painting every day, all day like it is her job. I'm not sure what do with all of these paintings, so we recycle them into other things as much as possible. I am back to work, which has been an easy transition thanks to having the same job for 12 years and working with a team of people I truly enjoy. But most notably, Ms. Lil has begun daycare, and she is doing great! Charming the pants off of everyone she sees and sleeping, eating and pooping better than any baby on the block (other than smiling and cooing, that really is all they do at this age!). She also exceeded my expectations by achieving her first daycare related illness in record time (in just 4 short days, good people!). Lily Q, my little overachiever. So that is what we are up to, at least in part. I've started running again, which has been great even though my right knee is protesting and clearly had gotten used to the last year of sluggishness. We've spent a bit of time outdoors as a family thanks to some glorious weather, had some lovely visits with family and friends lately and even a little bit of down time at the hacienda just hanging in our sweats. I am really, really please with this year so far. The only exception being that I cannot find the time to take down our Christmas tree! I am slightly embarrassed by this, though I also don't give a crap. I mean obviously, or I would have taken it down already! I just have better things to do. Seriously. We have been busy and even when we don't have plans or work or something I have these 2 amazing little people that I just can't get enough of. Their dad is pretty alright, too! The Woo Crew definitely keeps me entertained, and life is moving so fast that I'm trying very hard to only invest energy in the things that matter most. Yesterday morning, Emmy was explaining to Lil how she was a big girl now and she was almost 3 years old. She is so excited to be turning 3, but man that really breaks my heart! Where has my baby gone? Em went on to explain that Lil could tell that she was her big sister because she is "this tall," has very "long knees" and a "long head." It was hillarious! She is a riot, but she tells the truth. Her head and knees are getting long, and they are growing so fast.